ROSE: I don't mean to be too analytical about getting to know you, really.
ROSE: I guess comparisons are little hard for me to avoid, since the adult version of you played such a significant role in my life.
ROSE: So I can't help seeing the similarities when they are there.
ROSE: But also you are so clearly your own person, shaped by your own experiences, and that is the person I would prefer to get to know, rather than a young avatar for the memory of a departed parent.
ROSE: Yet this is the context which somewhat inescapably colors my perception of what you reveal.
ROSE: So while some observations are in the vein of predictable, charmingly so, mind you...
ROSE: Others I regard as surprising.
ROXY: what about me is surprising?
ROSE: Well.
ROSE: You aren't,
ROSE: You don't quite seem like a person who...
ROSE: Er.
ROXY: .....?
ROSE: I don't want to ask anything that would sound rude to you, or spiteful to her.
ROSE: Because I don't feel that conflicted about this anymore.
ROSE: Particularly since I had my own troubles with it. So it would be pretty hypocritical.
ROXY: conflicted about what?
ROSE: Let me back up a little.
ROSE: It was a long ride on that meteor.
ROSE: One experiences things over a few years, given a lot of time to think. Changes and such.
ROSE: About half way through, I started thinking more...
ROSE: About mom. And about you.
ROSE: Knowing that I'd probably meet you, and. I don't know. Live up to the experience?
ROSE: It's silly, but I'm guessing you understand what I mean.
ROXY: :)
ROSE: Basically, I was just nervous.
ROSE: And it was all mixed up with feelings of conflict and remorse over my mother.
ROSE: Who, to my hazy preteen recollection, never wasted a day in my life on sobriety.
ROSE: She and her habit put all those days to quite effective use, actually.
ROSE: And I don't even quite remember the thought process that led to this, but,
ROSE: I sort of ran with it too?
ROSE: The habit, I mean. For a while at least.
ROSE: I was still distraught about losing her. And wanted to understand her.
ROSE: To connect with her, in some way. And I guess that was the only idea I had.
ROSE: And on some level, I think connecting with her was also a way of preparing myself to meet you...
ROSE: Even though that probably makes no sense.
ROSE: Since you aren't literally her, and don't share all her...
ROSE: I guess I shouldn't speak for you, though.
ROXY: so youre sayin
ROXY: youre surprised im unlike her in that way cause i dont seem like someone whod get drunk off her ass all the time?
ROSE: Um-
ROXY: hahahaha
ROXY: well i guess i should be flattered if u rly think so buttttt
ROXY: wrong
ROSE: So... you,
ROXY: my storys kind of like yours!
ROXY: i had a mom i never knew and wanted to feel close to her however i could
ROXY: i grew up MOSTLY unsupervised in her old old house
ROXY: and it had all this old stuff in it plus some old booze squirrelled away here and there
ROXY: aaand i just uhhh started up even tho i was WAY too young for shit like that WHOOPS....
ROXY: and like i said it was a bit lite on discipline round then, its not like a buncha silly pumpkin eaters were gonna stop me
ROSE: Pumpkin eaters?
ROXY: chess guys
ROXY: loads of them
ROSE: !
ROXY: but yeah i wanted to be like her and do what she did but mostly just made a hot catastrophe of myself
ROXY: i doubt that is what she wanted
ROXY: at the time it seemed like a cool thing a real intellectual an mysterious book celebrity would do while also leading a badass and secretly subversive life in opposition of tyranny
ROXY: but
ROXY: i think what is more likely is
ROXY: she knew the whole world would end and everyone would die no matter what she did
ROXY: which was probly hard to live with
ROXY: idk if i can blame the old lady for wantin to get a WEE bit sauced after a couple of rapping clowns won a presidential election
ROSE: Yeah, I...
ROSE: Wait, what?
ROSE: Clowns?
ROXY: long story
ROXY: bad story
ROXY: plz continue
ROSE: Ok. Yes, I'm sure my mother knew the end was coming too.
ROSE: Knowing that helped put a lot of her behavior in context for me. I was always too young to understand.
ROXY: poor moms :(
ROXY: poor poor adult dead sexy lady us :( :(
ROSE: Truth.
ROXY: but anyway
ROXY: back to... us!
ROXY: kid alive sexy lady us
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: It sounds like your Rose had an incredible career, but all things considered, I prefer being kid alive sexy lady me.
ROXY: agree
ROXY: i know what you mean about being nervous
ROXY: about meeting you i mean
ROXY: maybe nervous isnt quite right but
ROXY: when i started thinking about meeting u is when i started thinkin...
ROXY: i should try being not QUIIITE such a mess
ROXY: so i started takin the idea of cleaning up my act more seriously
ROSE: Ultimately, I concluded the same thing.
ROSE: I decided it wouldn't be a very dignified way to make an entrance.
ROSE: Or for that matter, a very constructive way to help out in a struggle to preserve reality.
ROSE: Luckily, I was able to cut it out a while ago. I admit, it wasn't easy.
ROSE: But it helped a lot to have people around looking out for me.
ROSE: *Poke.*
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: *Sits Poked*
ROXY: yeah i had friends help me too!
ROXY: i couldnta done it w/o them either
ROSE: I never had "IRL" friends before this trip.
ROSE: It's interesting to observe the various ways they apply themselves to your benefit.
ROSE: Some people are around to make you feel like you're worth sticking with, even when you fuck up.
ROSE: And some people are around to kick your ass to make sure you don't.
ROXY: haha
ROXY: i think i had to play the latter role to my friends a lot
ROXY: and also to myself i guess
ROXY: who kicked your ass
ROXY: was it the yelly guy over there?
ROSE: No, Karkat was mostly preoccupied with his own... shenanigans.
ROSE: The yelling is deceptive. He's a rather private person.
ROSE: Vriska, however.
ROSE: She really is quite an extravagant bitch.
ROXY: lmao
ROSE: But it turns out people like that tend to have some convenient assets.
ROSE: Such as, the sheer force of personality to keep a bunch of idiots from falling apart.
ROSE: Don't get me wrong. It's quite annoying.
ROSE: But... useful.
ROXY: yeaaah
ROXY: i probably should have been more of a bitch to all my peeps
ROXY: maybe we wouldnt have gone to jail and died
ROSE: Let it be a lesson to us all.