ROSE: This is the lightning round, Dave.
ROSE: We didn't make the rules.
ROSE: Anyway, I'm ready to blow my Referee's Sport Whistle™ if you don't answer before the Commercially Endorsed Game Clock expires.
DAVE: i think the lightning rounds over
DAVE: why dont we have a distraction to seal the deal
DAVE: hey mom i think harleydad over there is talkin about you
ROXY: jake?
ROXY: hehe yeah i think ur right
ROXY: gotta go catch up with him soon...
ROXY: ill wave hello for now
DAVE: i dont think hes noticing
ROXY: dammit jake look over here u goof
ROXY: gonna start a fire here will all this friendly wavin
DAVE: nope hes completely out to lunch
DAVE: just like all the harleyberts
ROXY: HIIIII JAKE
ROXY: JAKE
ROXY: JAKE DAMMIT HI
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: Um sorry.
JAKE: H... hi roxy.
JAKE: Youre with us again and... and... i like that.
ROXY: :D
DAVE: thats it?
DAVE: hes right back at it with the bull guy
DAVE: whats with him
DAVE: he reminds me a lot of john but really quiet which is very unjohnish
ROXY: jakes great!
ROXY: but yeah hes not like that all the time
ROXY: he is p gregarious 1 on 1 but i guess he doesnt like crowds much
ROXY: he became sort of a hermit after a few months in our session
ROXY: he mainly hung out with dirk until he eventually sorta shut him out too
ROXY: dude just likes his lonesome time i guess?
DAVE: ill try gettin to know him some time
DAVE: maybe trap him like a shy woodland creature
DAVE: then brutally harangue him with my typically rad shit and become airtight bros
DAVE: right there in the fucking woods
DAVE: exactly how nature intended
ROXY: omg yes
ROXY: i will help u rig your jakesnares
ROXY: maybe leave some hunky dudebait, like a trail of microshorts sprinkled thru out the forest
DAVE: awesome thanks mom
DAVE: roxy i mean
ROSE: Dave, even I'm having less trouble referring to Roxy by her name consistently, and I was the one who grew up knowing her as my literal mother.
ROSE: What is going on with you?
DAVE: nothing
DAVE: its just like semi accidentally replacing a word with another word in a majority of instances
DAVE: why do you need to read things into everything
ROSE: You're right. How could anyone possibly read anything into that sort of repeated slip-up.
DAVE: exactly
ROSE: What if you're making her uncomfortable?
ROXY: its fine really!
ROXY: i think it is sorta endearing
DAVE: see rose yall worrying about nothing as usual
DAVE: moms fine with it
DAVE: moxy
ROXY: snort
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: romy
DAVE: mommy
DAVE: wait fuck
DAVE: ok that one was fucked up
DAVE: lets make sure i never ever fucking say that again
ROXY: im dyin here
ROXY: dave...stoppit
ROXY: im a sphyxiate
DAVE: i cant
DAVE: its like i was saying before
DAVE: this is a force of nature we all gotta just deal with
DAVE: striders blurtscapades
DAVE: daves flying boner circus
DAVE: this shit is immutable
DAVE: i had to face this fact a long time ago
DAVE: i could either try to change that part of myself which is an unwinnable war
DAVE: or i could try focusing on being like a vaguely half decent person so at least the shit i inevitably blurt out from deep down isnt all that bad
DAVE: because the bad stuff has been and is still being purged through an arduous long term process of complete and utter humiliation
ROXY: man
ROXY: arduous long term processes of complete and utter humiliation are basically my aesthetic
ROXY: anyways you are a silly dude and its ok if u keep callin me mom on "accident" :)
ROSE: I hope it is similarly ok with you if I make the conscious decision to refrain from calling you that ever.
ROSE: Unlike Dave, I've taken great pride in the meticulous maintenance of my internal filter.
ROSE: I don't think I have the same luxury he does.
ROSE: Humiliation just makes my demons angrier.
ROXY: yeah rose call me whatev!
ROXY: but um lmao you got a way of makin that sound legit scary
DAVE: its fucked up that shes joking but also not even really
DAVE: youll figure out how to crack her deadpan riddles theres an art to it
ROXY: you guys...
ROXY: an ur friggin psycho babble!
ROXY: its a riot
ROXY: suddenly feelin like maybe im the weak link in this family tree on the analytical front
ROXY: need to step up my game
ROSE: To be fair, Dave's game is pretty flimsy.
ROSE: He's been jacking my swagger for years. He only pulls it off because he's funny.
ROSE: And to be even fairer, I'm not actually much of a psychoanalyst.
ROSE: I know just enough to know that I barely know anything, and probably would have benefited from, I don't know, "college", or something.
ROXY: ok whew i feel a bit less lame then
ROXY: i remember dirks insane scrutinization of all things cerebral had a similar way of dwarfing ones ego
ROXY: maybe that was smoke in mirrors too idk
ROXY: maybe since he and i are ur parents, in terms of psycho skillz...
ROXY: hes got ALL genes and i got NONE
ROXY: so that means dave got SOME genes and rose got LOTS??
ROXY: wherein SOME is more than NONE and LOTS is less than ALL
ROXY: ???
ROSE: That's quite a scientific way of looking at it.
ROSE: Maybe it's even true?
ROXY: yeah i fuken LOVE SCIENCE!!!
DAVE: ok then that explains everything
ROXY: what
DAVE: if you got all the science genes then that means some scraped off on me
DAVE: which would explain why my beats are so ill
DAVE: its cause my science is off the charts
ROSE: Holy shit.
ROSE: Can someone come push this nerd off the lilypad?
ROXY: dat explanation tho
ROXY: :')
ROSE: Cringeworthy rap notwithstanding,
ROSE: I do recall hearing him babble about wanting to be a scientist on more than one occasion.
ROSE: If the world hadn't ended.
ROSE: What was it? Archeology? Paleontology?
DAVE: yeah i dunno
DAVE: one of those things
DAVE: whichever involved more dead shit
DAVE: maybe
ROXY: paleontology!!
ROXY: u wanted to study that?
DAVE: i sincerely mumbled about the idea once or twice sure
ROXY: thats neat
ROXY: what about you rose
ROXY: did u actually want to be a legit psychiatrist and go to school for that and all?
ROSE: I don't recall my thoughts on higher education.
ROSE: My passion for the subject I think was more a contrivance of a very young girl with misplaced conviction in her abilities.
ROSE: I probably thought I could just figure it all out myself and skip the academic coronation.
ROSE: I don't think much about it anymore.
ROSE: Possibly because there's no one left to analyze, except for the modest population of this frog disc.
ROXY: what would you want to do with your life instead?
ROXY: i mean assuming there were no more evildoers to worry about
ROSE: I don't know.
ROSE: What is there even to consider doing with godhood BUT concern oneself with evildoers?
DAVE: what about your quest
ROSE: Hm?
DAVE: the shit with your planet and the rain and stuff
DAVE: wasnt there still something to do there
ROSE: I... guess so?
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: i did mine!
ROXY: or at least a version of it specific to my situation
ROXY: i get the feelin they change around and such depending on what the lay of the land is
ROXY: my reality was fucked so my denizen just kinda... rerouted me
ROXY: nothin too fancy
DAVE: yeah exactly
DAVE: i did this really stilted like mashup of what i assume my "real quest" was
DAVE: like involving breaking a sword and UNbreaking a sword and a fuckin BIRD was involved and then the bird unceremoniously DIED somewhere
DAVE: it was kind of a mess
DAVE: like me i guess so maybe that made sense
DAVE: who knows what yours would have in store for you now
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: if you even wanted to bother
ROSE: I'm not sure if I have the inclination, and realistically, there isn't even much time for that, is there?
ROSE: We're supposed to be fighting adversaries imminently.
ROSE: I can't squeeze it in before the battle.
ROSE: And after, we'll have supposedly "won", so what would even be the point of doing it then?
DAVE: shrug
ROSE: Something always rubbed me the wrong way about "My Quest".
ROSE: I don't even like the phrase. It's uncomfortably formal, and a little foreboding.
ROSE: I think the regimentation of it all always struck me as unpalatable.
ROSE: Like consigning personal growth to the completion of a glorified, myth-heavy rat maze.
DAVE: yeah i know why you feel that way
DAVE: youve got big problems with authority
DAVE: you always have and you probably wouldnt even put it that way cause it sounds really Teen of you and gauche or whatever
DAVE: but its true
ROXY: omg u guys and your shrink babble!
ROXY: is so funny i swear 2 god
DAVE: yeah here we go again right?
DAVE: except just remember im a fraud at this stuff
DAVE: except in this particular case im totally right
DAVE: she sees this quest all neatly laid out for her wrapped in a bow
DAVE: fuck it even looks like its made for little kids with like pink turtles and rainbows and shit
DAVE: like here you go princess its babys first quest
DAVE: almost like it was designed to piss her off
DAVE: sburb says here, self improvement delineated and made comprehensible enjoy your cookie cutter odyssey
DAVE: so because shes rose she goes no fuck my quest
DAVE: literally starts wrecking shit
DAVE: and maybe that itself was always her quest
VRISKA: If I may interject...
DAVE: oh awesome vriska was eavesdropping
VRISKA: Not for very long!
VRISKA: I just heard you talking a8out Rose's quest is all.
VRISKA: I don't have any opinion on whether you do it or not, Rose. That's your 8usiness.
VRISKA: 8ut my advice is, if you see your denizen, just make sure you kill her fast.
DAVE: what
VRISKA: 8elieve me, Cetus is a HUGE 8itch.
VRISKA: If you give her an inch, she'll try to sucker you into a whole 8oring convers8tion, mostly involving a 8unch of curmudgeonly riddles.
VRISKA: Don't give her the chance! Just go for the jugular and end it as soon as you can.
VRISKA: Gra8 her loot and call it a day. That's what I think, at least.
VRISKA: Assuming you 8other going to see her at all. Couldn't really 8lame you if you didn't though.
ROSE: I probably won't.
ROSESPRITE: Won't what?
VRISKA: Oh now what the FUCK is this????????
JASPERSPRITE: Meow.