DAVE: im serious
DAVE: the thing is
DAVE: being a time guy
DAVE: like actually MASTERING time travel
DAVE: im pretty sure what that involves is
DAVE: learning to never use it
DAVE: see its like karate
DAVE: well
DAVE: its more like what they SAY about karate
DAVE: that you learn it so you dont use it
DAVE: but i mean we all know the truth about karate is if you know karate then obviously in reality you use it all the time
DAVE: like doing lethal fuckin crane kicks and sweet karate chops while walking down the street just cause you can
DAVE: its a god damn no brainer thats what you do with karate
DAVE: but see with time travel
DAVE: all the stuff about learning it so you dont have to use it is true
DAVE: theres no good that can come of it
DAVE: you can crunch the logic on the loops all you want
DAVE: but all youre doing is painting yourself into a corner
DAVE: creating inevitabilities you have to rehearse and enact or face death for yourself or everyone you know
DAVE: and sometimes facing death is the very inevitability you have to rehearse
DAVE: and then you wait and wait knowing its coming and knowing it has to happen
DAVE: how do you think it made me feel when we were gathering up all those frogs
DAVE: and i knew the whole time in a little while you would have to watch me get shot
DAVE: but i couldnt say anything or it would mess it all up
DAVE: all cause i thought it would be cool to be marty mcfuckin fly
DAVE: but instead of shredding johnny b goode on guitar to get my parents to bang
DAVE: my crowning performance was doing a funny dance while getting pumped full of lead
JADE: ......
DAVE: then i had to leave everyone behind and get into the delorean and return to the 1980s
DAVE: but the delorean was actually a big purple moon
DAVE: and the 1980s was me accidentally reaching god tier and living on a shitty meteor for a while
DAVE: and i guess rose was doc brown
DAVE: doc brown accidentally reached god tier too
DAVE: ok i guess this is where the analogy falls apart but you get what i mean
JADE: sorry dave, you lost me there after the part where i shot you
DAVE: damn
DAVE: ok lemme start over
JADE: omg, no!
JADE: the fact is youre going to have to rely on those powers if you want to stand any chance against a lord of time
JADE: it is safe to expect he can only be challenged by someone with a similar command over the aspect
DAVE: why is that safe to expect
DAVE: where are all these presumptions coming from
DAVE: if you can use swords why dont you take the welsh cueball sword and fight him yourself
DAVE: i bet you could fuck him up
DAVE: youre probably even more extra strong now that youve succumbed to the bark side
DAVE: did you ever think about that
JADE: dave i am perfectly aware of the awesome powers granted to me by the bark side
JADE: it does not matter
JADE: i cant be the one to wield your sword against english
JADE: it has to be you
JADE: it is the will of the empress, and thats final
DAVE: the empress can suck it
DAVE: i have no intention of fighting him
DAVE: and this isnt even me pulling more lame self aware reluctant hero junk
DAVE: i am just straight up not going to do it
DAVE: see thats not reluctance its just petulant refusal on my part
DAVE: reluctant hero shit is when the guys like aw shucks i dunno if i wanna but deep down we all know he really does
DAVE: but i really dont
DAVE: why should i
DAVE: i dont give a damn about lord english or his nebulous atrocities out in nowherespace
DAVE: what kind of villain is someone you never met who hardly did anything evil to you or your friends directly
DAVE: or even to anyone in your universe for that matter other than through some vague insidious influence
DAVE: who even is this guy and why should i hate him
DAVE: am i really supposed to be pissed off at a green muscle monster i never met
DAVE: cause i aint pissed off at no muscle monster
DAVE: hell wasnt he in some ass backwards way responsible for us existing in the first place?
DAVE: or all of humanity for that matter??
DAVE: maybe i should thank him before chopping him up via welshscalibur