VRISKA: We'll need to design8 a team for Ro8o Jack and his... entourage.
VRISKA: Alright, full disclosure. This is where things get kind of stupid.
VRISKA: Even talking a8out this guy and his crew is pro8a8ly a waste of good tactical analysis.
VRISKA: 8ut the fact is, he's going to 8e here, and you're going to have to deal with his 8ullshit.
VRISKA: I strongly recommend the dregs of your party get stuck with mop-up duty on this.
VRISKA: Really, I'm kind of laughing already. Oh man.
VRISKA: I really don't want to spoil too much fun for you guys, 8ut.
VRISKA: No, I shouldn't.
JOHN: what?
VRISKA: Ok, intelligence reports I have gathered, namely through a 8it of time hopping reconnaissance, suggests that Ro8o Jack may, I repeat MAY, 8e in transit with a 8unch of green time traveling idiots in that oven.
VRISKA: Don't quote me on that.
VRISKA: Anyway, if true, none of these 8ozos are particularly powerful.
VRISKA: They'll mainly just 8e a nuisance.
VRISKA: So who wants to deal with them? Hmmmmmmmm?
VRISKA: Hey kid.
VRISKA: Kid!
VRISKA: Yes, I'm talking to you again.
VRISKA: God damn it, what was his name again?
VRISKA: Joke?
TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, sTOP,
TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JAPE, aND YOU KNOW IT,
VRISKA: Listen, Joke.
VRISKA: Joke! Snap OUT of it! I'm talking to you.
JAKE: Oh sorry.
VRISKA: This is a strategy session, Joke. Please stay alert.
VRISKA: Now do you think you can handle 8eing on this team?
JAKE: Um...
VRISKA: Awesome. That's the spirit.
VRISKA: This assignment should 8e right up your alley, kid.
VRISKA: Who else?
TAVROSPRITE: mE, i'LL DO IT,
VRISKA: Thanks for volunteering Tavros.
VRISKA: This fight is pretty well suited to your skillset too.
VRISKA: And you can join Joke here to help him get ready, 8ut there's one thing I need you to do 8efore the 8attle starts.
TAVROSPRITE: oH, rEALLY,
TAVROSPRITE: wHAT,
VRISKA: I'll explain to you l8ter in priv8. 8ut it's critical, and something only you can do.
TAVROSPRITE: oHHH!
TAVROSPRITE: tHAT MAKES ME, tHE FUNNY FEELINGS COMBINATION, oF SKEPTICAL, nERVOUS, aND EXCITED,
VRISKA: Good!
VRISKA: That's exactly how you should 8e feeling a8out it, trust me.
VRISKA: So anyone else want to step forward??
KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME NOW.
VRISKA: Come again?
KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE IF I'M TALLYING THIS UP RIGHT.
KARKAT: JOHN AND LALONDES ONE AND TWO ARE ON TEAM CONDESCE.
KARKAT: THE STRIDER BROS AND PYROPE ARE ON THE LORD TEAM.
KARKAT: JADE, WHEN NOT ON NAP DUTY, IS ON THE DOG TEAM, EXCLUSIVELY.
KARKAT: THE MAYOR ISN'T DOING SHIT, BECAUSE I AM *PERSONALLY* SEEING TO IT THAT NOT A SINGLE POST-APOCALYPTIC TATTER ON HIS HEAD GETS HARMED.
KARKAT: CROCKER IS ON HEALING DETAIL, AND LALONDE THREE VOLUNTEERED TO SUPPORT THAT.
KARKAT: KANAYA HAS SOME VAGUE YET TO BE EXPLAINED MISSION TO DO, AND SO DOES TAVROS.
KARKAT: AND JOKE HERE JUST GOT SHUNTED OFF TO THE PEEWEE LEAGUE.
KARKAT: SO WHO THE FUCK IS EVEN LEFT, ASIDE FROM ME???
KARKAT: AND THE FUCKING CAT I GUESS.
KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T PICK A ROLE FOR ROSE'S FUCKING CAT LUSUS BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE *ABSOLUTE* BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS "THE VANTAS ZONE"?
VRISKA: Oh, gr8 point Karkat!
VRISKA: Hey there, kitty.
JASPERSPRITE: MEOW!!!!!
VRISKA: What would you like to do?
JASPERSPRITE: I would like to eat some tuna fish and cuddle with either rose or roxy or both! :3
VRISKA: Awwwwwwww!
VRISKA: Ok, that can 8e your very important jo8. Don't let us down!
JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr. ;3
KARKAT: THANK GOD WE SORTED THAT OUT.
KARKAT: NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THE KITTY CAT IS HEADING UP THE FISH EATING OPERATION, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY PROCEED TO THE RUNG OF STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE DIRECTLY BELOW THAT.
KARKAT: THE INFAMOUS "WHAT IS KARKAT GOING TO DO?" RUNG.
KARKAT: AND SINCE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A JOB, AND MY SKILLS ARE RELATIVELY UNIMPRESSIVE, I'LL HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR TEAM DIPSHIT TOO.
KARKAT: HELL, EVEN THE KID IN THE BANANA HAMMOCK IS A GOD TIER AT LEAST.
KARKAT: SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL BE TAKING ORDERS FROM HIM? SURE WHY NOT!
KARKAT: SECOND IN COMMAND TO A THIRD RATE HERO. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME.
VRISKA: Karkat, yes, you're a8solutely right that you 8asically suck, and that as a tactical resource you should 8e managed accordingly.
VRISKA: 8ut you aren't joining Joke's team, or doing any fighting for that matter.
VRISKA: Like Kanaya, there's another more pressing matter reserved for you.
VRISKA: In fact, it's the same as hers!
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?
KARKAT: WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS!
VRISKA: Karkat, I already alluded to this when you waltzed over, interrupted my conversation with Kanaya, and pretended you weren't flirting with me.
VRISKA: Remem8er?
KARKAT: OH. RIGHT.
KARKAT: WELL?? WHAT'S THIS "PRESSING MATTER"?
VRISKA: I'm getting to that!
VRISKA: Very soon, in fact. I just needed to get the teams squared away first.
KARKAT: OK WELL...
KARKAT: ARE THEY?!
VRISKA: Looks like it!
KARKAT: SO THAT MEANS JOKE...
KARKAT: FUCK. *JAKE* I MEAN.
KARKAT: REALLY IS A ONE MAN TEAM, DESIGNATED FOR ROBO JACK AND HIS OVEN BOZOS???
VRISKA: Apparently.
VRISKA: You ok with that, kid?
JAKE: UM................
VRISKA: You can do it.
VRISKA: Just 8elieve in yourself, or whatever the fuck.
VRISKA: When in dou8t, just remind yourself that 8attle isn't even particularly important.
VRISKA: And help could 8e on the way once some of the other 8attles start coming to some sort of resolution.
VRISKA: Just hang in there!
JAKE: O... okay.
VRISKA: Excellent!