|AUTHORLOG|
I NEED MORE ANSWERS. VERY QUICKLY. I thought you had given up on getting answers from me. NO. I JUST HAVE NOT HAD TIME. THE BOMB COUNTDOWNS ARE GETTING SO SHORT. THIS IS GETTING HARD. IT'S NOT FAIR. I really don't see how it's any less fair than being allowed to solicit the omniscient narrator of your quest for answers. Nobody else who plays this game gets to do that. What makes you so special? BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID I WAS SPECIAL. I shouldn't have said that. Now you're strutting around, all thinking you're special. I AM SPECIAL! I know. LESS BULLSHIT. MORE ANSWERS. I HAVE COLLECTED MORE FROG MEN. WHAT DO THEY DO. Frog men??? You are getting really esoteric with your headcanons now. MY WHAT. And what makes you so sure they are all men? Have you sexed them? FUCK YOU. AND YOUR RIBALD INSINUATIONS. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FROG MEN IS STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL. No, I mean determined their sex. Do you even know how? I DON'T CARE. THEY'RE ALL MEN. BECAUSE I SAY THEY ARE. AND I WANT THEM TO BE. IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH IN THEM BEING MEN. THEN THAT FACT BECOMES ABSOLUTELY INDISPUTABLE AS A PERMANENT MAN REALITY. It does? ARE YOU TELLING ME. THAT YOU HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE. THAT MY ENTOURAGE OF DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMEN. CONSISTS OF ANYTHING OTHER THAN BOYS??? No. I mean, I don't know. I'm not there, so I can't sex them to be sure. YOU FUCKING PERVERT. That's not what sexing means you little shit! I'D LIKE TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. AWAY FROM THE LUST YOU ARE FEELING FOR MY HANDSOME FROG MEN. I HAVE OBTAINED SOME STRIPE HATS. YELLOW STRIPE HAT. BLUE STRIPE HAT. RED STRIPE HAT. WHAT DO THEY DO. Why do you always want me to spoil stuff for you? Why can't you be at least a little scientifically inquisitive, and find out what they can do yourself? Have you tried injuring blue stripe hat yet? NO. WHY WOULD I HURT HIM. HE IS MY LOYAL MINION, ALBEIT ONE WHO IS OVERWEIGHT AND APPARENTLY USELESS. ANYWAY. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SCIENCE. JUST TELL ME. Fine. Blue stripe hat randomly time travels somewhere if you injure him. Red stripe hat can also travel through time, but only using fire as a gateway. Yellow stripe hat is a tailor. A TAILOR. Yes. YOU MEAN. SOMEONE WHO SEWS STUFF. Yes. A damn good one, too. THAT'S NOT A POWER. IT'S MORE LIKE. A FUCKING HOBBY. WHICH HAS NO VALUE TO ME WHATSOEVER. If you want to be a bigshot time traveler, you're going to need a good tailor. Everyone knows that. NO. MAKES NO SENSE. What if some day you get some sweet new threads? Who will maintain your wardrobe for you?? Do you think you'll wear that tee shirt and those stupid suspenders all your life? I WILL NEVER STOP WEARING MY AWESOME SUSPENDERS. NO ONE CAN MAKE ME. NOT EVEN MY TAILOR. Whatever you say. You're wasting time again. Better hurry up and conquer this planet so you can find Eggs. WHAT?? Whoops. I mean purple stripe hat. Forget I called him that. OH. YES. I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THESE NEXT FEW GUYS. I HAVE A FEELING. THE FARTHER I GO. THE MORE USEFUL AND EXCITING THE FROG MEN ARE STARTING TO BE. You won't be disappointed.
Hey check it out. Every week we'll be revealing some new troll characters from Hiveswap until Act 2 is out. Follow the Troll Call here, and meet the first two here. Expect a few more surprises like this to drop in coming weeks.
