ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 1

|AUTHORLOG|
HEY. YOU.
COMPUTER MAN. I NEED MORE HELP.
No.
COMPUTER MAN. ASSIST ME WITH MORE HOT TIPS.
No!
YES.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING BLUE HAT.
This is a shameful exploitation of our arrangement.
We weren't supposed to talk anymore once you left Earth.
I DID NOT AGREE TO THOSE TERMS.
Every time we talk, you complain that I am being self indulgent.
But you always come back for more! It's like you can't get enough of me.
I think you might be obsessed.
GIVE ME MORE HOT TIPS ASSHOLE.
You only made that caltop so you could talk to me on the go, didn't you?
NO.
Please, don't lie. Who else would you use it to talk to in your solo session? GAMZEE?
I bet you haven't said one word to him through that device. You never even refer to him by his name.
THE CLOWN HAS BEEN AN ADEQUATE PEON. WHEN IT COMES TO DOING THINGS I DON'T WANT TO DO.
THERE IS NO REASON TO SPEAK TO HIM THROUGH MY FUN HELMET.
You should try to be better friends with him.
He basically ditched his best buddy for you.
WHO CARES?
He reveres you, and you treat him like shit.
YES.
SO.
So...
You're off to a pretty good start at being a god, I guess?
THANK YOU.
LOOK. I JUST SAID A POLITE THING.
NOW REWARD ME WITH WHAT I WANT.
Ugh.
YELLOW HAT IS VERY FAST.
AS A MINION HE HAS BEEN VERY USEFUL.
BUT I AM HAVING TROUBLE DETERMINING THE ABILITIES OF BLUE HAT.
Yellow hat and blue hat?
You should come up with better names for them than that.
LIKE WHAT.
Like, I don't know.
Maybe some cool mobster names?
MOBSTER NAMES.
WHY WOULD I GIVE THEM MOBSTER NAMES.
Because mobsters are cool.
THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE MOBSTERS.
THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS.
Anyone can be a mobster though. Even cherubs and leprechauns.
Being a mobster isn't about what you look like, it's about what's inside you.
WOW. THAT IS SO PROFOUND.
NOW STOP STALLING AND GIVE ME TIPS.
Are these the only two you've unlocked so far?
YES.
I HAVE CONQUERED THE SECOND PLANET.
AND HAVE NOW TRAVELED TO THE THIRD.
BEFORE I CONQUER THIS ONE. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT BLUE HAT DOES.
He's pretty much doing what he does.
HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK.
IS HE BROKEN.
No. He's just slow.
WHAT.
That's his power.
Yellow hat is fast.
Blue hat is slow.
THAT'S A HORRIBLE POWER.
HOW IS THAT EVEN A POWER.
It just is.
ARGH.
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO ACHIEVING MORE POWERFUL MINIONS.
NOT MORE MALINGERING FOOLS TO TAKE UP SPACE IN MY DARK CARNIVAL.
DO THEY GET BETTER THAN THIS.
That depends on what you mean by better.
OH MY GOD.
OK. WE'RE DONE.
BYE.