GT: Now just a minute buddy. Lets not get carried away.
GT: I have no intention of serving you. In fact im not even sure why im still talking to you!
GT: Youre lucky that my manners are impeccable otherwise i would have blocked you already, what with the scandalous way you have characterized my ladyfriends alone.
GT: Its all well and good you think we have some things in common but i wont fall for it!
GT: Maybe its true at times i can be a little slow on the uptake but i will not be sweet talked into doing the bidding for a silver tongued cur!!!
GT: So to you sir lord i must say GOOD DAY.
uu: JAKE.
uu: YOU STUPID SHIT.
uu: HOW CAN YOU BE THIS DUMB.
uu: ALRIGHT. FIRST OF ALL. MY TONGUE IS NOT SILVER. THAT'S VERY CLOSE TO BEING INSULTING TO ME.
GT: Whatever! Look i know you are not the most quickwitted fella either, so i must inform you this is what we call a "figure of speech."
GT: You know. Like if i said you speak with a forked tongue. Not unlike LUCIFER HIMSELF!!!
uu: BUT. I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A FORKED TONGUE.
GT: Oh...
GT: Really?
uu: WAIT IS THAT SERIOUSLY AN INSULT IN YOUR CULTURE? HOW IS THAT INSULTING??
GT: It just means you arent trustworthy, and i should not be lulled by your false promises.
uu: WOW. OK. WOW.
uu: FIRST. NOT ONLY ARE YOU AN IMBECILE. YOU'RE A FUCKING RACIST TOO.
GT: No im not!
uu: JAKE. YOU JUST SAID SOME RACIST SHIT. END OF STORY.
uu: SECOND OF ALL. I'M NOT ASKING YOU FOR A DAMN THING.
uu: AS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER ME AT ALL.
uu: THE VERY IDEA THAT YOU COULD IN ANY WAY IMPROVE MY EXISTENCE. IS ALMOST AS OFFENSIVE AS. YOUR FLAGRANT RACISM.
uu: THERE'S NO "DEAL WITH THE DEVIL" BULLSHIT GOING ON HERE.
uu: I'M OFFERING TO HELP YOU. STRICTLY AS A PRO BONO ARRANGEMENT.
uu: MY ASSISTANCE WILL BE. AN UNCONDITIONAL ACT OF BENEVIOLENCE.
GT: Dont you mean benevolence?
uu: NO.
GT: Um. Ok then.
GT: But why do you want to help me?
GT: Is it really just because you relate to me and therefore want me to succeed?
uu: LET'S NOT BE TOO SENTIMENTAL HERE. I MEAN. YEAH. I GUESS THERE'S OUR COMMON GROUND.
uu: BUT WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO. IS GROOM A WORTHY ADVERSARY.
uu: IF I HELP YOU REACH YOUR FULL POTENTIAL. AS A PAGE OF HOPE. YOU COULD BECOME EXTREMELY POWERFUL SOME DAY.
uu: MAYBE EVEN POWERFUL ENOUGH TO POSE A CHALLENGE TO ME. OR MAYBE EVEN ENOUGH TO BEAT ME.
uu: WHEN I SAID "MEANT TO SERVE". SERVE MEANT MORE THAN ONE THING. YOU KNOW. LIKE KICK MY ASS??
uu: WOULDN'T YOU LIKE THAT JAKE? DON'T YOU LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE?
uu: OR MAYBE I HAD YOU WRONG. MAYBE YOU ARE IN FACT A GIRLY MAN. WHO DOES NOT LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE.
GT: Hey watch it now. Youre DARN TOOTIN i love to roughhouse!!!
uu: EXCELLENT.
uu: THEN OUR COMMITMENT IS SEALED. I WILL HELP YOU REACH YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL.
uu: LET US MARK THIS PLEDGE. WITH A SPECIAL NEW DESKTOP WALLPAPER I HAVE DRAWN FOR YOU.
GT: Huh??
uu: IT IS HOW I ENVISION THE IDEALIZED DEPICTION. OF OUR COLLABORATIVE BROSMANSHIP.
uu: I HAVE BEEN GETTING SO MUCH BETTER LATELY. WITH A LOT OF HARD WORK AS USUAL.
uu: I AM ABLE TO BRING THE MANY SMALL ANGLES MOSTLY UNDER CONTROL. TO SIMULATE THE ILLUSION. OF PHOTO REALISTIC FORMS OF COLOR AND LIGHT.
uu: JAKE. I GIVE YOU.
uu: THE FINE ARTS:
uu: http://tinyurl.com/JAKETHISISUS
GT: Whoa.
GT: Thats uh.
GT: Mighty special.
uu: GO ON. APPLY IT TO YOUR DEVICE.
uu: I WILL WAIT.
GT: Yeah um.
GT: Maybe later?
uu: NO. DO IT NOW.
GT: I dont think i want it to be honest.
GT: No offense its actually just really shitty.
uu: APPLY THE WALLPAPER THIS FUCKING INSTANT YOU CRETINOUS PHILISTINE. OR THE DEAL'S OFF.
GT: Ok fine!
GT: Gad freaking zooks. Just what i need another pushy bro in my life.
GT: This secret training of yours better be worth it!
uu: IT'S NOT TRAINING.
uu: IT'S JUST SOME GUIDANCE FROM A FAR AWAY ALIEN.
uu: I WILL BE YOUR PATRON TROLL. THAT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE THING IN YOUR STORY. HAVING A PATRON TROLL.
GT: But i thought you werent a troll.
uu: OF COURSE I'M NOT A TROLL. TROLLS ARE A KIND OF PESTILENT VERMIN AND THEY SHOULD ALL SUFFER AND DIE.
uu: "PATRON TROLL" IS JUST A PHRASE TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.
GT: Its not helping me understand though.
GT: Shoudlnt you be a patron cherub if anything?
uu: NO. GOD. DON'T MAKE UP TERMS FOR WHAT I AM. I WILL DO THAT.
uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE.
uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO.
GT: Sounds pretty gay.
uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
GT: Whats what?
uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK.
GT: Oh right.
GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo.
GT: Its like...
GT: How do i explain.
GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together.
GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay."
uu: I SEE.
uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT.
uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL.