ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 3

|AUTHORLOG|
WAIT. WHY DID THAT PLANET GIVE ME TWO ELVES.
You're calling them elves now?
YES.
But they're leprechauns!
Or gnomes, according to some baloneyscholars.
THEY CAN NOW BE ADDITIONALLY REFERRED TO AS ELVES. I HAVE DECIDED.
Whatever.
WHY ARE THERE TWO.
Because of the two for one deal.
You sunk the 7th planet on the break. So when you destroyed the 6th planet, you unlocked both the 6th and 7th elf.
Now you're on the 8th planet. This one doesn't give you an elf.
IT DOESN'T.
No.
WHAT ABOUT A GNOME.
No.
WHAT ABOUT A LEPRECHAUN.
No.
You get nothing.
WHY NOT.
Because you're supposed to skip this one and destroy it last.
You're just wasting time hanging around here. The clock is ticking.
ALRIGHT.
BUT FIRST. I WANT TO GET THEIR POWERS STRAIGHT.
AM I CORRECT IN ASSUMING. THEIR POWERS KEEP GETTING MORE USELESS?
Yes.
JUST AS I SUSPECTED.
I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO KNOW.
SO ORANGE HAT. WE HAVE ESTABLISHED. JUST WALKS AHEAD OF ME ALL THE TIME.
NO MATTER HOW FAR OFF HE WANDERS. AND GETS LOST. I ALWAYS SEEM TO CATCH UP WITH HIM.
Yes.
AND GREEN HAT.
HE JUST HAS A DOLL. WITH PINS IN IT.
Yes.
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT.
He has a doll with pins in it.
AND??
Every time you get a new elf, he'll take another pin out.
That's all I will tell you.
OK. GOT IT. IT'S POINTLESS. MOVING ON.
MAROON HAT.
I CAN'T TELL WHAT HIS POWER IS.
WHAT IS HIS POWER.
He doesn't have a power.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
No.
THAT'S A NEW LOW. EVEN FOR THESE SHIT HEADS.
But maroon hat is pretty smart!
You can use him as a higher ranking henchman or something.
BEING SMART ISN'T A POWER.
PLUS. I DOUBT IT. HOW SMART CAN ONE OF THESE IMBECILES BE.
You should talk to him and find out.
NO.
Come on.
Just a little friendly chat.
FINE.
I WILL HAVE A WORD WITH HIM. VERY BRIEFLY.
Ok.
...
Hey.
Are you still talking to him?
Wow, you guys are really going at it there.
What the fuck could you be talking about for so long?
This is getting ridiculous.
The timer on the next cueball bomb is ticking away.
OK. I'M BACK.
And?
MAROON HAT IS HIGHLY INTELLIGENT AND PERSONABLE.
I HAVE DECIDED HE IS MY FAVORITE GUY SO FAR.
See? I told you.
I WILL GIVE HIM SOME IMPORTANT RESPONSIBILITIES LATER.
BUT I HAVE NOT DECIDED WHAT.
Maybe he can hold on to something important for you.
GOOD IDEA.
LIKE WHAT?
OH, I KNOW. MY CALTOP.
No not the caltop. That's dumb.
MY GUN?
No.
OH! MY CANDY.
No you idiot!
FUCK YOU. IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA. THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS. PUZZLEMAN.
Look at the color of his hat. What else do you have that's that color?
UHH.
Also, what object can you think of that's kinda shaped like a 7?
HMM.
OH!!!
OHHHHHHHHHHH.
OF COURSE.
A BOOMERANG!
Ok, I give up.
I WILL MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO SECURE A BOOMERANG IN THE FUTURE.
YES. IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. TO BE A BOOMERANG. THEMATICALLY.
BECAUSE IT ALWAYS COMES BACK AROUND. IN ONE BIG CIRCLE. LIKE ALL THE TIME SHIT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT!
...
OK. LAST QUESTION.
WHY IS PURPLE HAT. CONSTANTLY DANCING IN MY PRESENCE?
Yeah.
I guess in retrospect, purple hat has always been pretty flirtatious, hasn't he?
WHAT?!
Maybe you should try to be open minded though.
Have you ever considered a relationship with someone?
Maybe you will discover you have never truly experienced joy until you have been in with a dancing elf.
-- Caliborn has spiked his caltop on the ground in disgust. --