|AUTHORLOG|
I UNLOCKED MORE GNOMES. I thought they were leprechauns. I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE. Ok. I HAVE NOW CONQUERED FOUR PLANETS. AND HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF GNOMES UNDER MY COMMAND. YELLOW HAT. BLUE HAT. RED HAT. AND NOW PURPLE HAT. Congratulations. THE PLANETS ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT TO CONQUER. I ALMOST DID NOT MANAGE TO DESTROY THE PURPLE PLANET. WITHIN THE ALLOTTED TIME. UNFORTUNATELY. THE QUALITY OF THE UNLOCKED GNOMES HAS NOT INCREASED TO MATCH THE ESCALATING DIFFICULTY OF MY QUEST. IT SEEMS TO BE JUST THE OPPOSITE. THESE GNOMES ARE SHIT. What's wrong with the new gnomes? OK. RED HAT? HE HAS. *NO FUCKING POWERS AT ALL.* UNLESS HIS POWER IS TO FOLLOW ME AROUND CONSTANTLY. Yes. That's basically what he does. PURPLE HAT IS EVEN WORSE. IS HIS POWER TO DANCE AROUND ALL THE TIME. WHILE SINGING RIDDLES TO ME? Yes. AWFUL. PURPLE HAT'S BEHAVIOR IS SO INFURIATING. I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO MURDER HIM SEVERAL TIMES. BUT TO NO AVAIL. You can't kill purple hat. He's too lucky! That's also his power. Being really lucky. WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO ME??? I don't know. Get him to solve puzzles for you? Use him as a human shield sometimes? I mean a gnome shield. OH YEAH. THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA. You shouldn't be whining about how lame your minions are. As you accumulate more, your job is obviously to combine their talents in creative ways to overcome the increasingly difficult challenges on your quest. Synergize your time gnomes. Make them more than the sum of their pointy hats. THAT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT. THEY ARE ALL IDIOTS. Nobody said it would be easy. FINE. I HAVE NO MORE QUESTIONS FOR NOW. Hey. Did you kill that cute turtle? NO. But I can see your past trail. You're standing there holding a gun, and pointing it at the turtle. OK. THEN YES. I KILLED THE TURTLE. Boooooooooo.
Hey check it out. Every week we'll be revealing some new troll characters from Hiveswap until Act 2 is out. Follow the Troll Call here, and meet the first two here. Expect a few more surprises like this to drop in coming weeks.
