Podcast Opener: Growl's Garden by Clark

Podcast Intermission: Four Minutes by Madonna ft. Timberland ft. Justin Timberlake

Podcast Closer: Phantom pt. II by Justice.

APRIL

CranialCephalog - Schazer's adventures in the MSPAFA

So, I just put the lawnmower away, and once I've finished whacking this out I'll drag out the barbeque from under the stage and we can get this pre-party started. All in all it's been one of those kind of weeks where the hectic slowly sneaks up on you until by the end of it you're going breakneck with it in hot pursuit. But I suppose the craziness that is/will be the MSPAFA Awards had to stem from somewhere, and the judging room itself I guess seems like the best place.

So, that judging room. You may wonder what it's like behind those imposing centuries-old mahogany double doors. As an honourary judge this year, I got to take a peek, and can now relay to you exactly what I saw in there, less the bits I can't mention due to pending libel suits.

You'll be pleased to know that our judges have not spent the community's Cashmoneys on a hammerspacing pentagonal city hall composed mostly of marble and gold leaf, anchored with a giant tapestry rug and five enormous, high-backed thrones bearing carvings testament to their sheer effing awesomeness. Nor were there flocks of small slave-scribes sprinting across this non-existent hall, carrying messages when the back and forth of argument couldn't be heard due to the ridiculous acoustics associated with a room this ludicrously huge. That was my job.

No, I kid. What did most certainly exist, however, was the Diplomacy Stick. Ever heard the phrase "parting fighting dogs with a stick?" I don't think I have either. Point was, when the bigwigs had no need for my contribution to the meritocratic democracy, yet I wanted to watch the goings-on, I cowered in the corner while they tore each other apart over alleged tangetalisations. Obviously, I wielded (read: tried to hide behind) the aforementioned stick. Once I sensed the argument was going round in circles, or at the point where somebody lost their hat (or that one gruesome time during the Still Art nomination 'discussion', their lunch) apparently it was my job to step in, simplify the argument, and watch the magic take place.

Or something. I only seem to recall meekly passing the stick to somebody roaring at me in the throes of argumentative passion, before they beat Lord Paradise around the head with it in frustration when it turned out his contemplative shoegazing had actually been him watching Lost on his lap-centered mp3 player. And that was just the nominations.

Once the nominations were up and the betting booth was open, I suddenly realised what this job entailed - voting independently of judges I replaced, because their adventures were nominated, and being prepared to discuss my side and stick by my guns. Debating about the works of people who I had just seen say horrendous things about each others' mothers.

I wondered if I was really qualified for this, but as it turned out, I needn't have worried.

Continued in a future near you!



INCREDIBLY SERIOUS MUSINGS RE: POKÉMON by Lord Paradise

If you’ve ever been to the MSPAFA forum, ever, then I do not need to tell you that there are a lot of adventures about Pok(ewithanaccent)mon. This is no mere reaction to the release of HeartGold and SoulSilver, but a consistent trend that started as soon as forum adventures became a thing, and only became further entrenched over time as early precedents told forum members it was okay to just draw a bunch of Pokémon and attempt to pass it off as an adventure.

In case you were unaware, because you are capable of free thought or perhaps are just dumb, Pokémon is a horribly addictive narcotic that Nintendo started handing out to kids in the form of Burger King kids’ meal toys and colorful advertisements. Once addicted, the children proceeded to seek more and more potent and expensive forms of Pokémon, including anime, trading cards, video games, shiny trading cards, video games based on the anime, storyboards for the anime crudely adapted into manga, anime but on islands for some reason, plushies, and a movie based on the anime focusing on a character who is only in the game if you cheated or else dragged your ass to a “promotional event” that would put all the shit that was already in your game into your game. This made Nintendo a shitton of money for some years, until they had the audacity to make different Pokémon (including such favorites as even-bigger-bird and not-Charizard-so-who-gives-a-fuck), which caused most of the addicts to immediately lose interest, citing “growing up” and moving on to such though-provoking, adult entertainment as the Ratchet & Clank series. The sad remainder of the Pokémon fanbase then retreated to the Internet, when, starved for social and intellectual stimulation, they began reading MS Paint Adventures. And, well, here we are.

The general concept of Pokémon is this: you are a ten-year-old kid who makes money by brutally beating wild animals, trapping them in a tiny ball and storing them in a box* on Bill’s PC** on your computer*** at a Pokémon center**** until you need them. You then use these animals (or “Pocket Monsters,” except you have no pockets so you just hang them from your belt while keeping your bicycle, three fishing rods, and a full compliment of first aid items you will never use in your backpack) to beat the shit out of even larger things, eventually building an unstoppable empire of death that can defeat everybody else, because everybody else is woefully incompetent and will Growl or perhaps Leer at you while you kill them. Other fun things to do: Walk into gyms and kill things until you are given a “badge;” use “Technical Machines” to teach new methods of murder to your Pokémon; training your Pokémon until they evolve***** and then press B****** to hold it off until they learn Agility*******.

With such a wealth of good ideas, it’s easy to see how many artists would be seduced by the Pokémon franchise. But no, I take that back. What the fuck, people? All of you are wasting your talents with this bullshit. If I see one more post with a kid in a baseball cap sitting in his room downloading a Potion from his computer (don’t even get me started on Professor Tree and his chronic amnesia issues) I will have to commit Murders upon you (Lord Paradise forgot Mercy! And… Lord Paradise learned Murder!) All of you are wasting your talents and if I didn’t love all of your adventures so much, I would cause injury to you all (It’s super effective! MalkyTop fainted THEN FUCKING DIED).

That “love” part I thought I could sneak in there is sort of an issue with my fuck-Pokémon theory, because God damn are some of these adventures good. From Pokémon Obsidian and its artistic serious pretentions (it also has some cleavage) to thegreenspark’s fantastic Rocket (which will teach you to fear Sudowoodo) to Pokémon Off-White, which gets points for not having reached the point where there are any Pokémon in it, I eat up that shit like a Rare Candy.

Still, these diversions up ‘til now have failed to rise above the status of guilty pleasures, lacking the literary value of the likes of Fantastic Bimbo Dance Remix. The key part of that sentence is “up ‘til now,” for a contender has emerged: the Pokémon adventure that will legitimize the genre and gain notoriety as a work of true genius. I am referring, of course, to SHAQUMON.

To review something such as SHAQUMON itself would be the work of years, as this work is as layered and complex as Shakespeare’s entire works, rewritten in binary code, rewritten again as DNA code and clonified into a baby who later becomes a piano-playing pirate in space (James Cameron—call me). Suffice to say that it is Pokémon, and it is Shaq, and it is mind-blowing.

I never had an ending planned out for this article, so you should finish it off by reading all the footnotes in order, out of context. The result is kind of hilarious.

* Box

**A warehouse, owned and managed by a guy named Bill

*** Best guess is that you yell into it and Bill sends your pokes to you through pneumatic tubes. Bill doesn’t charge you anything, but he doesn’t feed them, let them outside, or clean up after them either.

**** Socialized health care

***** Hit puberty, get “stones”

****** Just keep punching them until they stop menstruating and their armpit hair retracts back into their bodies

******* Fear

AVATAR FAD CORNER: Wherein Avatar-Related Memes/Trends Are Described, Pictured And Thereafter Wholly Reviewed On A Similar Scale To That Of Adventures - by MrGuy

(Hey kids! Remember the Fad Review System (SICEE)!

Stayin' Power: How quickly it will get boring
IDE/Theory: Quality of concept
Coolness: How cool it is
Ease of use: How simple it is to apply
Execution: How well it tends to be applied




Today's meme is an interesting case: it's a throwback to one of the first waves of avatar fad, started when some dude... threw back to one of the first waves of avatar fad I don't know either. It's basically just people's current avatars with an Egbert Face slapped on.


Stayin' Power: BIG FAT ZERO
Uninspired and already done. It may be a historical meme but that's mainly because more interesting ones have come along. Probably will peter out fairly quickly.

IDE/THEORY: 1 Neil Patrick Harris
The IDE/Theory behind the fad is both simple and classic. Nostalgia+Doofy Face=Instant Win. Moving on.

Coolness: Doogie Howser
This fad is totally lame, but that's kinda the point when you're slapping Egbert's face on there. Nostalgia gives it a little boost too.

EASE OF USE: Neil Patrick Harris
It's a simple enough fad to apply, just copy and paste the thing on there.

EXECUTION: Doogie Howser
Dear god you people cannot apply this thing. Ever heard of the resize tool? Admittedly this actually adds a bit to the charm, which is why it got a Doogie Howser. But still.

FINAL SCORE: 3 NPHs

MEME RANKING: Bonk Song

April REVIEWS

Songs We Sing by Lord Paradise

I have been told to “bang out some really quick reviews” so: Songs We Sing. If you read the Favorite Forum Adventures thread at all, you will almost certainly have heard of Songs We Sing in connection with good art, lesbians, and lesbians. It certainly does have these things, in various degrees. Good art: For sure. Songs We Sing has a style similar to some of Andrew’s more stylized work and it works very effectively to tell the story. Lesbians… it has also? Maybe? Canon gets scratchy on this issue. If you’re expecting some sort of sextacular girl-on-girl sex… MSPA… thing, you will be disappointed or relieved or otherwise distanced from your expectations. Moving on (see how I “bang out” my reviews?) Unfortunately, the story and writing of Songs We Sing doesn’t have anything spectacular enough to back up the quality of the art. There’s some manner of vague internal mythology supported by a variety of stories-within-stories, and a high fantasy quest that is supposed to charm and intrigue me, but for the most part, it doesn’t. On an update-to-update basis, it bounces back and forth between humor (which is mostly successful and highly aided by the adorability of the protagonist) and seriousness (which tends to feel hollow). I am not going to quit reading Songs We Sing, because I find it likely that GenTrigger will strike a better balance as it progresses, but as of now I cannot ignore its flaws enough to give it as positive a recommendation as it seems to be receiving from the general public. Go read a page or two, and maybe it will appeal to some place deep in your heart or something. Report back to me if this occurs.

Score: 3 Neil Patrick Harrises



Headbucket by Lord Paradise

There isn't a lot to say about Headbucket, making it difficult to "bang out" even a quick opinion. I can assure you that I am pretty positive that most of you reading this here will enjoy Headbucket on a number of levels. The art, though in large part photomanipulated, is always somewhat striking. The text keeps the jokes coming, and there’s a lot of flash work backing it up, for a fairly authentic video-game feel.
That said, something about Headbucket doesn’t entirely work for me. The humor seems a bit like something Comedy Central would advertise heavily and then only air six episodes of after it failed to attract millions of college-aged viewers. The immense volume of jokes has consistently failed to make me laugh out loud, but I suspect this is more of a matter of my personal taste than any flaw on the part of the adventure. Give Headbucket a try, cause if you aren’t such a comedic prude as I am you’ll probably find it hilarious.

Score: 3 Neil Patrick Harrises with an accompanying Doogie Howser



Songs We Sing by MrGuy
OK so the first thing one notices is the art style. It's good. You can tell from the beginning that this is one of those adventures, the kind that the artist puts a huge amount of effort into. As far as the concept, it's very well though-out. You have to give a guy credit for actually explaining the whole "doesn't remember the name" thing when normally it just gets a bit of a lampshade hanging at best. What's interesting is that this is sort of a trend; whereas in another adventure something would be a passing joke, or a running gag at the most, here it becomes something more, actually becoming part of the adventure. The concept of the readers as disembodied voices is used interestingly, allowing an infodump that actually sort of makes sense.


The plot is slow-paced at first, but then we get into something that's part of the character's background as a storyteller. Essentially, we spend about 5 pages plodding along and then BOOM, we're thrust into something fast-paced and surprising, over almost as quickly as it started. It's jarring, but not necessarily in a bad way.

The humor is generally good, though a few bits seem to fall flat to me. Lesbian rocks is not the most inspired running gag in my opinion. Most of it, though, is pulled off very skillfully. There are an entirety of two characters as of this writing and both are quite interesting.

The updates are a tad sporadic, but that's not really an issue given how good the artwork is, especially since the writer/artist tends to bolster the thread with mini-updates. It's almost certainly a good thing, as it means they're unlikely to burn out on the adventure early.

All in all, this is a very high-quality adventure. It shows a lot of promise and the author has clearly carefully planned their universe out in advance. Songs we sing gets four NPHs and a Doogie.





Headbucket by MrGuy

HOLY SHIT THE ART STYLE WOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S AWESOME. Kickass photo'd backgrounds and even kickerballs (that is the superlative of kickass shut up) drawings on top of that. Then once you get to the DUNGEON CRAWL THING it goes all RETRO GREEN PIXELLY GRAPHICS, which are also awesome. He also does the occasional flash interlude which actually kicks greater ass still if that's possible.

The humor oh god. The humor is genius. There's slapstick and verbal comedy and of course that sort of meta je nais seis quois that is expected of an MSPA, all implemented beautifully. There was not a single panel that did not amuse me.

It references Scribbly (EDITOR'S NOTE: http://www.toonopedia.com/scribbly.htm LINK TO THERE) really early in so that gives it about eleventy bajillion Neil Patrick Harrises right there.

The premise is a dude with a bucket for a head starting a band, joined by THE UNKNOWN COMIC and MA HUNKEL, THE ORIGINAL RED TORNADO. They travel to SOME PLACE FILLED WITH UGLY CHICKS and then a DENNY'S. It quickly degrades into nonsense-- beautiful, sublime nonsense, the kind that would make Duchamp weep in appreciation.

It is impossible to express the awesomeness of this comic in words. For the love of god, read it. You will not by ANY MEANS be disappointed.

...Unless I've built it up so much that you cannot possibly avoid being disappointed. Fuck. Long story short 5/5 NPHs.





Songs We Sing - by Archduke Ferdinand

Songs We Sing is one of those rare adventures that is produced by an author with a brain type rarely found in this forum, that of an author who's synapses actually go through an interim stage between 'whim' and 'posting', a mysterious strata of thought and imagination known as 'planning'. Indeed if there's any phrase that I can use to describe this adventure, it's this: Songs We Sing is like having a flaming red hot tong rammed down your eye socket- it's burning with premeditated heat and all you can see anymore is the world that's been created for you. The world in which Songs We Sing roams is clearly a vast one, as evidenced by the protagonist herself, a woman who holds within her eons of stories and legends we've yet to be told, a good number of which I presume the author holds in his mind and one of which we've already had explained to us to impressive effect. The sequence near the beginning of the adventure in which the Orator tells us of a man who sought out a forgotten city and met the masked people who lived there accomplishes something few adventures really do- it establishes a sense of scope. In telling us this grand story, GenTrigger really establishes that there's a massive world beyond the screen we're seeing, a world with a history mapped out, planned out, and given a lot of thought beforehand, unlike many spur of the moment adventures. This is one of the adventure's strongest points- that it gives us something new and more involved to look at. Other pluses include the art, which is obvious, and the character design, but rather than harp on those let's look at a few negatives.

One prominent thing going against the adventure is that while its world is clearly established, its tone is not. Things shift from being poetic and somber one moment to having strains of humor (a long running gag involves a lesbian stone's affection for Sonnet) to being a drop dead serious thing once more, and this is a little off putting. I feel the adventure has yet to truly establish itself and who it is- much like its protagonist, it has yet to find its voice. Overall, one to watch, and listen for other comments on- it could really go places if it discovers what it wants to be. 3.5/5 NPHs.





Songs We Sing - by Schazer

Story: Unlike some other first-time adventures, it's quite evident that Gen planned the world around Sonnet before he got started on this endeavour. The gods, Sonnet's skills, the concept of Orators themselves give this adventure punch from the first panel. Even if I'm not one to savour an intricate combat or skills system, I can tell Gen's put a lot of work into the idea and I'm looking forward to seeing where he takes it. One thing that confuses me a bit about this adventure is the setting. From the initial panels, I got the impression it was magical/medieval, (and especially with Sonnet's oratory skill), then we were trapped in some kind of library database (though Sonnet's new battle form is gorgeous <3). It's a bit more of a dissonance than I'm used to, and it makes it hard for me to just sit back and enjoy the ride, but I'm certain Gen's got it all under control for the long run.
And, in contrast to the author's best-laid plans, the readers' screwy intentions. The lesbian jokes, while initially good for a bit of silliness, I felt quickly wore thin. The story's great enough in its own regard without having to keep using that as a cheap hook, Gen, so feel free to abandon it whenever.

Artings: The character designs in Songs, I have to say, are pretty kicking rad. Although Jeffery's majesty was diminished a little in the scaling, like the background to the story, Gen's got a very good idea of how things are supposed to look - and they look wonderful. Sonnet's entire design is simple, yet striking, and Gen achieves a very nice workaround for difficulties in emoting over a mask. Different scenes and locales have changes in their style to suit, and interior settings like the castle are portrayed effectively as well. The animation is minimal, but on the whole adds rather than detracts from the art.

Writings: Songs' writing, however, could use some work. I feel like the balance Gen is attempting to negotiate between the mythic and the offbeat is rather awkward on occasion, and the contrast in setting between medieval castle and cyberspace library makes the contrast more apparent - and not in a good way. I can only assume this is a stylistic choice, considering the epic prose used in Sonnet's recounted story (which, despite thinking it was rather early for a detour, I can't say I didn't enjoy it.) I still don't feel that dialogue, especially Sonnet's once she has her voice again within the Library, quite fits. A little more punctuation to set the pace of the dialogue certainly wouldn't go amiss.

Overall: A very nicely arted first foray into Forum Adventuring, which I anticipate seeing find its feet and settle into a style befitting a potential MSPAFA classic. 3 and a half NPHs.





Headbucket - by Archduke Ferdinand

Headbucket. Oh my, Headbucket. Trying to analyze this one like Songs We Sing is difficult because it has absolutely no pretensions or attempts at depth and deep characterization- it's no holds barred ridiculous adventure fun, and one of the forum's best examples of it. It's got three protagonists, one created for the adventure and two seized from pop culture for no other reason than their similar headgear and put into a preposterous, completely unfathomable premise that for some reason works. The jokes comes regularly with great timing, the characters are all given distinct and fun personalities, even the ridiculously unfunny in real life one's (hi Unknown Comic) and are instantly likable. Well, okay, Takashi took a couple pages, but even then he's more fun than the average adventure character. The art style is done well and in the vein of old style games, with sprite graphics mostly and for quite some time the color pallette extends not beyond greenscale after entering the Denny's scenery. There are constant flash updates, animated and music'd, and it's just overall a truly fun experience. I highly recommend this one. Begin reading it immediately. 4.5/5 NPHs.








kept here for posterity.