DAVE: yeah ok DAVE: questions about me hmm lets see DAVE: ok FIRST the fuck of all DAVE: what happened to ben stiller DIRK: He was deemed a heretic, and was crucified on the Washington Monument by some clowns. DAVE: wow DIRK: Due to his dedication to freedom and peace, he came to be seen as a martyr, and then a holy figure. DIRK: He was left on the monument as an example to all, but thousands of faithful gathered below to gaze up at his pious, sort of gaunt face. DIRK: For years thereafter, his followers would carve stone busts of him in his memory, capturing the piercing glare of his final expression. DIRK: But they were all smashed to pieces by the presidential church. DIRK: That religious movement didn't last very long. DIRK: Rumor has it the batterwitch had a lot of experience crushing righteous insurrections. DAVE: did my adult self get pissed about stiller DAVE: i bet he got pissed DIRK: Yeah. There was a whole series of final insults that led to his active rebellion, instead of just producing subversive media. DIRK: At one point, the witch "remastered" all of his films to clean up all the shitty artifacts, and released them in stunning high-def quality all over the world, using a rational business model and everything. DIRK: That REALLY set him off. DAVE: what the fuck DAVE: how fucking dare that woman DAVE: so then he tried to kill the batterwitch right DAVE: who is the same exact alien as the condesce in this session?? DIRK: Yes. Same one. DIRK: And yeah, he teamed up with Rose from the same era. DIRK: They supposedly put up a good fight, but both died. DAVE: so... DAVE: does john know that he is literally about to go fight betty crocker yet or what DIRK: I have no idea. DIRK: I really don't know John at all, or any of your friends. DIRK: I know Jane was the heiress to the Crocker brand. Uh, obviously? It is her name after all. DIRK: Was John the heir to that empire in his universe? DAVE: nah DAVE: i mean not to my or his knowledge DAVE: he just fuckin hated that company for some reason DAVE: i think his reason was literally as mundane as just being slightly overexposed to cake DAVE: thats classic john though he doesnt get pissed about anything except for the absolute dumbest shit DAVE: but i guess his instincts were right in this case DAVE: maybe we should just DAVE: not tell him DAVE: that hes fightin crocker i think the poor dude has probably had enough mental breakdowns for one adventure DAVE: we all have DIRK: I'd like to get to know him. DIRK: Not to mention Rose and Jade. Would have been nice to hang out and chat, in a circumstance where we weren't supposed to prepare for an imminent deadly struggle. DAVE: yeah DAVE: well i guess we could have hung out there a few minutes longer DAVE: i mean you wouldnt have got much outta jade who is stuck in perma-nap mode DAVE: just like old times i guess DIRK: Huh? DAVE: she used to sleep a lot DIRK: Ah. DAVE: but yeah there wasnt much time except for like a bunch of heys and oh nice to meet yous DAVE: and also i think i would have still been a shitty train wreck socially if we all just hunkered down right then and there for another extensive round of freestyle paltalk DIRK: Right, I was kind of nervous about lingering there for more than a minute too. DIRK: Mainly because of Jake. DIRK: I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. DIRK: I think I have done enough of that. DAVE: i guess jake was kinda like your john of the group huh DAVE: wait that was a pretty dumb observation never mind DIRK: Nah, sounds about right. DIRK: Seems like John was your close buddy growing up, and Jake was mine. DAVE: john and i never really had anything like a falling out DAVE: except for not talkin to each other for a few years on account of being on a meteor and boat respectively DAVE: but i guess you two had some buddy troubles or somethin? DIRK: Yes. A lot of buddy troubles. DIRK: I vaguely touched on it earlier. I was a really bad influence in his life. DAVE: what happened DIRK: A lot of things, that were mostly my fault. DIRK: Basically, I think I bullied him into dating me. DIRK: Although I had plenty of "help" from my Auto-Responder. DIRK: There were a lot of insane plans that he hatched on my behalf. DIRK: But in fairness, I went along with them. DIRK: To this day, I can't really tell how much of that bullshit was his doing, and how much was mine, which I've just covered up through denial or selective memory. DAVE: wait DAVE: you DAVE: you dated jake? DIRK: Yeah. DIRK: That didn't last long though. DIRK: It was really lopsided and kind of forced. DAVE: ... DAVE: so DAVE: you DAVE: ... DAVE: hmm DIRK: What? DAVE: nothing DAVE: i think were breakin one of the rules here DAVE: this tangent got too personal DIRK: Oh yeah. DIRK: I forgot we weren't doing that.
Here's another huge deal announcement. A "bomb shell", you could say. The zodiac has officially been extended to include 288 signs, instead of the meager assortment of 12 you are familiar with. The resulting system is known as the Extended Zodiac. You may determine your True Sign by taking a test, if you wish.
I envisioned an expansion like this a couple years ago, when it became clear that due to the large volume of NPCs in Hiveswap, many new troll symbols would have to be created. So we made a large library of symbols to draw from when designing characters (A lot more symbols than characters. Don't worry, the game roster isn't THAT out of control.) But why stop at just a static library of new signs when you could take the opportunity to reinvent astrology itself?
The test uses a couple other personal classifiers from Homestuck lore to triangulate your True Sign designation from this dizzying barrage of iconography. What do you do with this information? I don't know. Make some cool new OCs? Discuss your new sign with friends? Cause great agitation and bewilderment among astrological purists? The sky's the limit. Also, those invested in what qualifies as "canon" when it comes to Homestuck lore may take interest in this test, which formally evaluates whether you are a Prospit or Derse Dreamer (involving a new term of art for the sake of this system, called Lunar Sway), as well as your Aspect. I am sure some will wonder whether this means a God Tier Class test will be available as well. Some day, yes, probably. For now, only Aspect is applicable to this system. But the precedent now exists for the expectation to be CANONICALLY classified by literally any absurd profiling system I have ever concocted, and you have just obtained a full license to not let anyone forget this.
Here's a very special new book made by me, dril, and KC Green, which you can preorder here. This seemed like a good way to do it since we had no idea how many of these books to print. A hundred? A million? ZERO??? You guys will decide. Plus there's a lot of other cool stuff there. If you have any interest in this book at all, it's probably a good idea for you to jump on it now. There's no telling how easy it will be to get your hands on after the first run has shipped to backers.
About the friends who helped out: my guess is you are probably familiar with dril's twitter brand? A couple years ago we talked about working on this, one thing led to another, and now here we are asking you to buy a book with a spoon concealed inside of it. The way I see it is, you don't just get any clown off the street to write for characters with the complexity and emotional depth that these ones have. You bring out the big guns. This is a man who knows his way around a huge ass. A man who knows all too well the plight of the gamer. A man who won't hesitate to engage with some of your favorite brands, and will not flinch at a longform narrative about a pissed off guy searching the world for his spoon.
KC Green has already done some good work with the SBaHJ franchise, you may remember. For the sake of authenticity I did a lot of coloring work over his pencils and put some serious attention on generally screwing everything up. Don't worry, we had some very important standards of quality that I took great care to ensure we catastrophically failed to meet. KC does a lot of other great stuff too. Did you know he did the dog who says this is fine even though the room is on fire? It's crazy how much people love that damn dog. Not everyone knows he did it though, and people should applaud him more for his stuff. Same with dril. Let's hear it for these boys and their priceless contributions to our society. I hope you like this book!
Hey check it out. Every week we'll be revealing some new troll characters from Hiveswap until Act 2 is out. Follow the Troll Call here, and meet the first two here. Expect a few more surprises like this to drop in coming weeks.
Hiveswap has been released. You should go play it!
Huge thanks to the entire What Pumpkin Games team for all their hard work on this project. Everyone involved has much to be proud of. Personally, I think the game is VERY GOOD! Really, better than I imagined it would be when scribbling notes for it years ago. Credit is owed to the fans for their patience while the necessary time was taken to build a studio capable of making a game like this. And above all, credit is owed to the great team that brought it to life. If you happen to spot any contributors out in the wild, on social media or such, I hope you will extend your appreciation for what they have accomplished.
What Pumpkin and Homestuck are partnering with Viz Media to work on a lot of cool stuff together in the future. This will include projects based on both the Homestuck and Hiveswap worlds. The possibilities are wide open, but here are a couple examples of things we know we're going to work on already...
Viz will begin releasing the Homestuck books again, starting next year. These will be nice new hardcover editions, and the plan is to just keep turning out volumes until the entire story is in print. Each volume will be full of my Secret Notes just like the previous ones were. Viz will also be involved in the release of the mysterious epilogue project I alluded to a while ago. Details on format, release date, etc, will remain undisclosed until further notice, but you can expect more information about that to surface next year too. I wanted to do something a little unusual for it, something existing outside the confines of the web story. Working with Viz struck me as good opportunity for this.
Aside from that, anything can happen. Take a look at the sorts of things Viz has already published or produced. These are all examples of things on the table for future consideration for either Homestuck or Hiveswap. I've got plenty of ideas, and so do they. Maybe you do too??