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ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 5

I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE.
Puppet people?
PUPPET PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!
You're just calling them different things every time to bug me.
THEY ARE PUPPET PEOPLE.
Why are they puppet people?
I thought frog men was going to be your preferred headcanon.
BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE BIG ALIVE PUPPETS.
How so?
THEIR SKIN IS SOFT.
Soft?
What do you mean.
Soft as in smooth to the touch, like a baby's behind?
NO.
MORE LIKE. FUZZY.
AND SQUISHY.
What?
LIKE PLUSH.
YOU KNOW.
LIKE A GOD DAMN PUPPET.
Hold on.
Are you telling me these fuckers are literally made of felt???
WHAT'S FELT.
It's the fabric they put on pool tables.
Kind of soft and fuzzy.
OH. THEN YES.
EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
Well that's weird.
I guess you learn something new every day.
Speaking of which, I suppose you'll want me to tell you what these two frog puppets can do?
NO!
No?
THE ABILITIES OF PURPLE STRIPE HAT. AND ORANGE STRIPE HAT.
ARE AS PLAINLY SELF EVIDENT. AS THEY ARE IDIOTIC.
Patience.
In time, you will grow to love them as if they were two very special sons.
NO WAY.
Yes you will.
I can tell you kind of like them already, but you're just pretending you don't to be cool. Like you always do with members of your dark carnival.
I notice you aren't actually trying very hard to escape from the crowd there.
Looks to me like you're enjoying your time in the puppet mosh pit, frankly.
SCREW YOU!
I'm going to tell you their powers anyway.
NO!
Purple stripe hat has an egg timer juju which makes him time travel whenever it rings.
But he's too stupid to use time travel sensibly so he ends up making way too many copies of himself.
Orange stripe hat has a magic oven which he can hide inside.
And that's it. It serves no purpose other than that. Also he's just as dumb as Eggs.
I mean purple stripe hat. Forget I called him that again.
Also pretend I didn't call the other guy Biscuits.
YOU DIDN'T CALL ANYONE BISCUITS.
I didn't?
Oh.
Damn.
Then pretend I didn't say I did.
I DON'T CARE!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS!
ALL OF THAT WAS OBVIOUS!
I HAVE GROWN WEARY. OF YOUR EXCESSIVE DIVULGENCES!
Yeah, my divulgences haven't been too popular lately.
I can't seem to catch a 8r8k.
A WHAT.
A 8r8k.
WHAT'S A 8R8K.
Nothing.
Just something an old flame used to say a lot.
Well, not so much an old flame as someone who callously spurned my extraordinarily inappropriate advances one time.
She really blew it though. She could have been the star again, if only she said yes.
Things are pretty passive aggressive between us now.
WOMEN. Am I right?
NO, DON'T DO THIS.
I DON'T WANT US TO BOND OVER YOUR FEMALE PROBLEMS.
STOP TRYING TO BE BROS WITH ME!
You know how it is.
Sometimes a guy just wants to take a look at what an adorable salamander is up to, and scrutinize that situation carefully.
Like really see what's going on with that, you know?
Is that so wrong.
So what if I want to watch a young salamander spend several hours naming skeletons?
It's my right to do that. I should be able to watch Bubbles name a million fucking skeletons if I want.
I should be able to do that without a spiteful attention hog stealing back the spotlight while she does something "important".
Who cares about important stuff?
Important stuff is so overrated, IMHO.
I STOPPED LISTENING!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. BECAUSE I'M NOT READING IT ANYMORE.
YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND BABBLE ALL YOU WANT. ABOUT MEANINGLESS TRASH.
I'VE TOTALLY CHECKED OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. SO BYE.
I wonder what Spades Slick is doing right now.

> END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 5


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RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 22 October 2016 by Andrew

Just going to leave this here for now, and assume that the kids these days will know what to do with it.

Posted on 6 October 2016 by Andrew

Here is a quick look at the way this project has been shaping up. Whew, that is a nice looking game! Not going to lie, I am on some big time tenterhooks in anticipation of this release. I've actually started doing stunts on the tenterhooks, flipping around on them wildly, like a gymnast. It's an astounding spectacle of physical endurance and might. Sorry you can't check this out, it's absolutely unreal.

What else have I been up to? I sense that this has been being wondered about. Some I suspect wonder about the epilogue I mentioned, which I have been making some notes on here and there. But otherwise have been deferring in favor of attention to ~other projects~ which strike me as more pressing. It will be gotten around to. If you are wondering which of these projects may be related to Homestuck, I did have some "post-canon content" planned for later this month. That is as specific as I can be for now. Tune in here, let's say, a couple weeks from now.

The project that has occupied the lion's share of my professional time is one that you will understand completely why I have prioritized, when you eventually see it. Arguably it will prove to be the only relevant work of art in human history. I don't wish to give anything else away, or delay your experience of this unprecedented triumph of the human spirit. So instead I will light a fire under my ass, and attempt to deliver the content I know you have all been craving.

What else to report? Hmm. I know that usually the passage of time for creative individuals is tracked by the hours they spend which ultimately contribute to creative products which may be consumed. It is far from true that all of my hours this year have been applied that way. Suffice to say I've been on some strange adventures. I doubt I can do any of them justice here, in a newspost which is rapidly running out of words I'm willing to type. At one point I was thrown out of a stable. I've probably said too much already. Well, see you next time.

Posted on 12 June 2016 by Andrew

The final Homestuck album Volume 10 has been released. More fantastic music by many familiar names who have contributed to the comic over the years. Thanks to all who came together to make this. It's a great way to cap off an impressive discography, now standing at 27 albums.



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