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[A6I4] ==>

Thank you.
Now what exactly would you like to know?
EVERYTHING.
Everything is a lot.
Care to narrow it down a little?
OBVIOUSLY NOT THE BORING IRRELEVANT THINGS.
DEFINITELY NOT THINGS LIKE. WHO KISSES PEOPLE. WITH THEIR UNPLEASANT NONSKELETAL SMOOSHY LIPS.
JUST ALL THE THINGS THAT I NEED TO KNOW TO WIN THIS GAME.
That's not how adventures work though.
You don't just make some omniscient narrator inside a computer tell you everything all at once.
There's like this whole process to it. You reveal certain things at the right time, depending on whether the hero has met certain requirements and is ready to learn those things.
What you learn and what I tell you is more up to you than it is to me.
WHO CARES.
I DON'T WANT YOUR EXCUSES.
Aren't you excited about your adventure? About being unchained for the first time ever, and getting to explore this mysterious place, and meeting people and solving puzzles that will lead to the realization of who you were meant to be, and how you fit into this epic?
NO.
SO FAR. THE ADVENTURE IS BORING, AND FRUSTRATING, AND CONSISTS OF AN IDIOT IN A COMPUTER, AND A CLOWN WHO WON'T DIE.
I WANT TO KNOW WHEN I GET TO START FUCKING SHIT UP.
You'll definitely get to do that later.
WHEN.
Not long from now.
LIKE. IN A COUPLE HOURS. OR.
That's up to you. There are puzzles to solve all over your planet. Your mentor can help.
The sooner you do that, the sooner the fun will begin.
YOU REALLY AREN'T TELLING ME ANYTHING.
WE HAD A DEAL. I PUT THE CROWBAR DOWN. NOW TELL ME THINGS.
Why don't we narrow the scope of the Q&A then?
Try asking very specific questions, and I'll decide if it would be appropriate to answer at this time.
YEAH. GOOD IDEA.
THEN MY FIRST QUESTION IS.
WHAT IS THE PLACE.
The Medium. You are in your game session.
I KNOW THAT.
WHAT'S THIS PLANET, I MEAN.
It was called Earth.
EARTH. THAT'S IT?
Yes.
Weren't all the Statues of Liberty a dead giveaway?
If you see one or more shitty old Statues of Liberty on any post-apocalyptic wasteland planet, that automatically means it was Earth all along, as a rule.
Then when you realize that, you're supposed to have a mental breakdown.
I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH THIS RULE. AND SKEPTICAL OF ITS VERACITY.
TELL ME MORE ABOUT EARTH.
It's the place humans are from. But that was a very long time ago, with respect to the planet's current age.
Earth has been through a lot. It was even relocated a couple times.
YES. I BROUGHT IT WITH ME, I THINK.
INTO THE GAME.
Yes. But it was relocated once even before that.
It was moved from its native solar system, where it circled around a little yellow sun.
Then it founds its way to a new system, around your big red sun. It stayed there for a good while, until your sun started dying.
WHY WOULD SOMEONE MOVE A PLANET.
Its universe was about to explode. So its proprietor closed up shop and got it the hell out of there.
HOW.
That's not important for you to know. Suffice to say, planets just have a way of scooting around in this adventure.
OK. WHY IS THIS MY PLANET IN THE GAME THOUGH.
Cause your kernelsprite turned into a black hole and sucked it into your session?
NO I MEAN. I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A COOL AND SPECIAL PLACE.
LIKE A LAND OF SOMETHING AND SOMETHING.
You do.
You just have to unlock it.
That is when your real quest will begin.
HOW DO I DO THAT.
You know. Finding keys. Solving problems.
All the potential for extraordinary achievements in your quest must be unlocked first.
We've been over this.
WHERE DO I FIND THE KEYS.
I don't know.
LIES.
Why would I know that? You think I'm like an encyclopedia on key locations??
I got better things to think about than where all your stupid keys are.
Find them yourself. Better hop to it!
NO. MORE QUESTIONS FIRST.
WHAT AM I ULTIMATELY STRIVING TO UNLOCK.
TO MAKE MY REAL LAND APPEAR.
IS IT SOME SORT OF GIANT, FANCY KEYHOLE.
No. More like a big door.
A DOOR TO WHAT.
TREASURE?
Kind of.
If there's any treasure in there, it would be guarded by your denizen.
WHAT'S THAT.
A powerful monster that rules your planet, asleep in the core.
He appeared there the moment Earth got sucked into your session.
WHAT KIND OF MONSTER.
IS IT A DEADLY, CHALLENGING MONSTER?
Yes.
He is the deadliest, most challenging denizen of all.
He very rarely appears in game sessions, and is usually designated for the most naturally gifted warriors.
His name is Yaldabaoth.

> [A6I4] ==>


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Latest Pages:
1/19/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/16/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/14/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/12/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/9/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/7/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/5/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/2/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/31/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/29/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/26/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/24/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/22/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/19/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/17/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/15/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/12/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/10/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/8/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/5/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/3/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/1/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/28/14 - "[S][A6A6I4] ====>"
11/26/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/24/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/21/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/19/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/17/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/14/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/11/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/10/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/7/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/5/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/3/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 4"
11/1/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 4"
10/25/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3"
10/25/14 - "[S] GAME OVER."
10/17/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 3"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"

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RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 19 January 2015 by Andrew

So what do we call this pause? I've been batting ideas around all day. We could go with the obvious choice, the MINIGIGAPAUSE. Or maybe, MEGAPAUSE 2: BACK IN THE MEGASADDLE. Or if that makes too much sense, we could always settle on the MICROTERAPAUSE. As you can see, there are so many incredibly intelligent and meaningful things we could call this pause. Deciding how to refer to the pause is an exercise that I will leave to the reader. Feel free to discuss the matter with friends. Or strangers. Anyone who will listen really. If they start to run away, I strongly recommend you chase them.

Why don't we say that A665 begins on 4/13. That's a fun number that we all can get excited about. I have a lot of catch-up work to do between now and then. Not the least of which is drawing the actual content to be posted. But also a lot of gamedev work. Game production is rolling pretty hot right now. Stuff is being churned out almost faster than I can keep track of. Did I mention? I accidentally started running a game studio a little while ago. Whoops, sorry about that. There are all these people being paid to make things happen, and I have to be like "Yeah, keep doing that stuff, everybody." It's getting pretty easy to lose track of how many people work for What Pumpkin. My last estimate was somewhere between 30 and 1000. The true figure is a very frisky moving target.

A6A6A5, a.k.a. Caliborn's Masterpiece, is actually done. It's probably better to hold off posting it until 4/13, when more content will soon follow aftewards. I am sure pausing on that note for months would mess with your head a lot more than the note we're already pausing on. I sometimes feel I have at least a modest responsibility to manage your sanity. It'll be tough sitting on this content though. Tougher than sitting on all of A664 for the better part of a year. I don't think it is out of line to describe it as the best material this website will ever exhibit. It will be all down hill from there, in every direction. Even up.

Speaking of sanity management, way back when, I was pretty on the fence about posting A664 spaced out over months like I did, vs. all at once. Doing the latter in hindsight probably would have been a fucked up thing to do to the internet though. The GAME OVER fallout alone was a bit much as it was. Including it in tandem with the rest of it? Not sure what to make of that. Let's review the CONTENT CRUSH that would have entailed. Bad Anime -> Game Over -> Sadstuck -> Lowas Quest -> 100 retconned panels of oil -> A bunch of other shit -> Punky Serket -> Fantroll Storytime -> 8 password pages -> The Kiss On Horse Mountain -> and finally -> The Punchline. You know, that's an awful lot of baloney to publish. I think the fell-swoop reaction to all that would have been quite a thing to behold, but also, perhaps an irresponsible thing to do to a hapless fanbase after a year in hibernation. I'm told that in 2015, young people are heavily susceptible to "the feels", and trifling with those forces could be injurious to their future development. Wait, did that just sound like something your grandpa would say? Mother fuck, where did I put my cane. Oh right, I snapped it in half from shaking it at the sky.

I may have been in the process of making a point there, but we're going to have to pick this up another time. The comic isn't going to pause itself!!!

Posted on 7 January 2015 by Andrew

CRITICAL HORSE ADJUSTMENT

Over the last couple months, I have been surreptitiously collapsing several update horses into single, bigger horses. This means A6A6I4 is going to end a little sooner than previously advertised. Same total page count, but finishing sooner. Please consult the important horse calendar below.



So what happens when A6A6I4 is done? I'm not quite sure yet. I'm still working on everything that comes after that. I've written it mostly, but haven't drawn anything yet. There will almost certainly be another pause, but I'm not sure how long it will be yet. I will let you know after 1/19.

Posted on 9 December 2014 by Andrew

Here is one last drop of cool stuff for you to buy before your chimneys are plundered by a mythical oaf.

A new one of these guys, who is red:


Charms!:


Cute stickers?? (yes):



Posted on 30 October 2014 by Andrew

Adventure Game Update

I am letting this one be viewable to the general public. (It will also be posted to the backer page of the Kickstarter.)



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