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ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 1

HEY. YOU.
COMPUTER MAN. I NEED MORE HELP.
No.
COMPUTER MAN. ASSIST ME WITH MORE HOT TIPS.
No!
YES.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING BLUE HAT.
This is a shameful exploitation of our arrangement.
We weren't supposed to talk anymore once you left Earth.
I DID NOT AGREE TO THOSE TERMS.
Every time we talk, you complain that I am being self indulgent.
But you always come back for more! It's like you can't get enough of me.
I think you might be obsessed.
GIVE ME MORE HOT TIPS ASSHOLE.
You only made that caltop so you could talk to me on the go, didn't you?
NO.
Please, don't lie. Who else would you use it to talk to in your solo session? GAMZEE?
I bet you haven't said one word to him through that device. You never even refer to him by his name.
THE CLOWN HAS BEEN AN ADEQUATE PEON. WHEN IT COMES TO DOING THINGS I DON'T WANT TO DO.
THERE IS NO REASON TO SPEAK TO HIM THROUGH MY FUN HELMET.
You should try to be better friends with him.
He basically ditched his best buddy for you.
WHO CARES?
He reveres you, and you treat him like shit.
YES.
SO.
So...
You're off to a pretty good start at being a god, I guess?
THANK YOU.
LOOK. I JUST SAID A POLITE THING.
NOW REWARD ME WITH WHAT I WANT.
Ugh.
YELLOW HAT IS VERY FAST.
AS A MINION HE HAS BEEN VERY USEFUL.
BUT I AM HAVING TROUBLE DETERMINING THE ABILITIES OF BLUE HAT.
Yellow hat and blue hat?
You should come up with better names for them than that.
LIKE WHAT.
Like, I don't know.
Maybe some cool mobster names?
MOBSTER NAMES.
WHY WOULD I GIVE THEM MOBSTER NAMES.
Because mobsters are cool.
THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE MOBSTERS.
THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS.
Anyone can be a mobster though. Even cherubs and leprechauns.
Being a mobster isn't about what you look like, it's about what's inside you.
WOW. THAT IS SO PROFOUND.
NOW STOP STALLING AND GIVE ME TIPS.
Are these the only two you've unlocked so far?
YES.
I HAVE CONQUERED THE SECOND PLANET.
AND HAVE NOW TRAVELED TO THE THIRD.
BEFORE I CONQUER THIS ONE. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT BLUE HAT DOES.
He's pretty much doing what he does.
HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK.
IS HE BROKEN.
No. He's just slow.
WHAT.
That's his power.
Yellow hat is fast.
Blue hat is slow.
THAT'S A HORRIBLE POWER.
HOW IS THAT EVEN A POWER.
It just is.
ARGH.
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO ACHIEVING MORE POWERFUL MINIONS.
NOT MORE MALINGERING FOOLS TO TAKE UP SPACE IN MY DARK CARNIVAL.
DO THEY GET BETTER THAN THIS.
That depends on what you mean by better.
OH MY GOD.
OK. WE'RE DONE.
BYE.

> END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 1


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RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 26 January 2017 by Andrew

Status of Hiveswap: the game is just about done. It could still use some more testing to be absolutely certain we are not releasing a buggy piece of shit! To that end it will be worth waiting another several weeks or so. Perhaps more intriguingly I should mention that I've been working with some people on another thing, which will need to be announced when it is ready. I think it would be best to coordinate the announcement of the thing in question with the release of the game. So I'm not sure which will be done first, the thing or the testing, but neither will be unveiled until both are good and ready. Thank you as always for your legendary patience.

P.S. here is an ongoing reminder that you can still get cool Hiveswap stuff in advance of playing it, to aid you in your tireless quest to achieve supreme brand loyalty. God speed.

Posted on 22 October 2016 by Andrew

Just going to leave this here for now, and assume that the kids these days will know what to do with it.

Posted on 12 June 2016 by Andrew

The final Homestuck album Volume 10 has been released. More fantastic music by many familiar names who have contributed to the comic over the years. Thanks to all who came together to make this. It's a great way to cap off an impressive discography, now standing at 27 albums.



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