GT: Now just a minute buddy. Lets not get carried away. GT: I have no intention of serving you. In fact im not even sure why im still talking to you! GT: Youre lucky that my manners are impeccable otherwise i would have blocked you already, what with the scandalous way you have characterized my ladyfriends alone. GT: Its all well and good you think we have some things in common but i wont fall for it! GT: Maybe its true at times i can be a little slow on the uptake but i will not be sweet talked into doing the bidding for a silver tongued cur!!! GT: So to you sir lord i must say GOOD DAY. uu: JAKE. uu: YOU STUPID SHIT. uu: HOW CAN YOU BE THIS DUMB. uu: ALRIGHT. FIRST OF ALL. MY TONGUE IS NOT SILVER. THAT'S VERY CLOSE TO BEING INSULTING TO ME. GT: Whatever! Look i know you are not the most quickwitted fella either, so i must inform you this is what we call a "figure of speech." GT: You know. Like if i said you speak with a forked tongue. Not unlike LUCIFER HIMSELF!!! uu: BUT. I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A FORKED TONGUE. GT: Oh... GT: Really? uu: WAIT IS THAT SERIOUSLY AN INSULT IN YOUR CULTURE? HOW IS THAT INSULTING?? GT: It just means you arent trustworthy, and i should not be lulled by your false promises. uu: WOW. OK. WOW. uu: FIRST. NOT ONLY ARE YOU AN IMBECILE. YOU'RE A FUCKING RACIST TOO. GT: No im not! uu: JAKE. YOU JUST SAID SOME RACIST SHIT. END OF STORY. uu: SECOND OF ALL. I'M NOT ASKING YOU FOR A DAMN THING. uu: AS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER ME AT ALL. uu: THE VERY IDEA THAT YOU COULD IN ANY WAY IMPROVE MY EXISTENCE. IS ALMOST AS OFFENSIVE AS. YOUR FLAGRANT RACISM. uu: THERE'S NO "DEAL WITH THE DEVIL" BULLSHIT GOING ON HERE. uu: I'M OFFERING TO HELP YOU. STRICTLY AS A PRO BONO ARRANGEMENT. uu: MY ASSISTANCE WILL BE. AN UNCONDITIONAL ACT OF BENEVIOLENCE. GT: Dont you mean benevolence? uu: NO. GT: Um. Ok then. GT: But why do you want to help me? GT: Is it really just because you relate to me and therefore want me to succeed? uu: LET'S NOT BE TOO SENTIMENTAL HERE. I MEAN. YEAH. I GUESS THERE'S OUR COMMON GROUND. uu: BUT WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO. IS GROOM A WORTHY ADVERSARY. uu: IF I HELP YOU REACH YOUR FULL POTENTIAL. AS A PAGE OF HOPE. YOU COULD BECOME EXTREMELY POWERFUL SOME DAY. uu: MAYBE EVEN POWERFUL ENOUGH TO POSE A CHALLENGE TO ME. OR MAYBE EVEN ENOUGH TO BEAT ME. uu: WHEN I SAID "MEANT TO SERVE". SERVE MEANT MORE THAN ONE THING. YOU KNOW. LIKE KICK MY ASS?? uu: WOULDN'T YOU LIKE THAT JAKE? DON'T YOU LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE? uu: OR MAYBE I HAD YOU WRONG. MAYBE YOU ARE IN FACT A GIRLY MAN. WHO DOES NOT LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE. GT: Hey watch it now. Youre DARN TOOTIN i love to roughhouse!!! uu: EXCELLENT. uu: THEN OUR COMMITMENT IS SEALED. I WILL HELP YOU REACH YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL. uu: LET US MARK THIS PLEDGE. WITH A SPECIAL NEW DESKTOP WALLPAPER I HAVE DRAWN FOR YOU. GT: Huh?? uu: IT IS HOW I ENVISION THE IDEALIZED DEPICTION. OF OUR COLLABORATIVE BROSMANSHIP. uu: I HAVE BEEN GETTING SO MUCH BETTER LATELY. WITH A LOT OF HARD WORK AS USUAL. uu: I AM ABLE TO BRING THE MANY SMALL ANGLES MOSTLY UNDER CONTROL. TO SIMULATE THE ILLUSION. OF PHOTO REALISTIC FORMS OF COLOR AND LIGHT. uu: JAKE. I GIVE YOU. uu: THE FINE ARTS: uu: http://tinyurl.com/JAKETHISISUS GT: Whoa. GT: Thats uh. GT: Mighty special. uu: GO ON. APPLY IT TO YOUR DEVICE. uu: I WILL WAIT. GT: Yeah um. GT: Maybe later? uu: NO. DO IT NOW. GT: I dont think i want it to be honest. GT: No offense its actually just really shitty. uu: APPLY THE WALLPAPER THIS FUCKING INSTANT YOU CRETINOUS PHILISTINE. OR THE DEAL'S OFF. GT: Ok fine! GT: Gad freaking zooks. Just what i need another pushy bro in my life. GT: This secret training of yours better be worth it! uu: IT'S NOT TRAINING. uu: IT'S JUST SOME GUIDANCE FROM A FAR AWAY ALIEN. uu: I WILL BE YOUR PATRON TROLL. THAT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE THING IN YOUR STORY. HAVING A PATRON TROLL. GT: But i thought you werent a troll. uu: OF COURSE I'M NOT A TROLL. TROLLS ARE A KIND OF PESTILENT VERMIN AND THEY SHOULD ALL SUFFER AND DIE. uu: "PATRON TROLL" IS JUST A PHRASE TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND. GT: Its not helping me understand though. GT: Shoudlnt you be a patron cherub if anything? uu: NO. GOD. DON'T MAKE UP TERMS FOR WHAT I AM. I WILL DO THAT. uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL.
Here's another huge deal announcement. A "bomb shell", you could say. The zodiac has officially been extended to include 288 signs, instead of the meager assortment of 12 you are familiar with. The resulting system is known as the Extended Zodiac. You may determine your True Sign by taking a test, if you wish.
I envisioned an expansion like this a couple years ago, when it became clear that due to the large volume of NPCs in Hiveswap, many new troll symbols would have to be created. So we made a large library of symbols to draw from when designing characters (A lot more symbols than characters. Don't worry, the game roster isn't THAT out of control.) But why stop at just a static library of new signs when you could take the opportunity to reinvent astrology itself?
The test uses a couple other personal classifiers from Homestuck lore to triangulate your True Sign designation from this dizzying barrage of iconography. What do you do with this information? I don't know. Make some cool new OCs? Discuss your new sign with friends? Cause great agitation and bewilderment among astrological purists? The sky's the limit. Also, those invested in what qualifies as "canon" when it comes to Homestuck lore may take interest in this test, which formally evaluates whether you are a Prospit or Derse Dreamer (involving a new term of art for the sake of this system, called Lunar Sway), as well as your Aspect. I am sure some will wonder whether this means a God Tier Class test will be available as well. Some day, yes, probably. For now, only Aspect is applicable to this system. But the precedent now exists for the expectation to be CANONICALLY classified by literally any absurd profiling system I have ever concocted, and you have just obtained a full license to not let anyone forget this.
Here's a very special new book made by me, dril, and KC Green, which you can preorder here. This seemed like a good way to do it since we had no idea how many of these books to print. A hundred? A million? ZERO??? You guys will decide. Plus there's a lot of other cool stuff there. If you have any interest in this book at all, it's probably a good idea for you to jump on it now. There's no telling how easy it will be to get your hands on after the first run has shipped to backers.
About the friends who helped out: my guess is you are probably familiar with dril's twitter brand? A couple years ago we talked about working on this, one thing led to another, and now here we are asking you to buy a book with a spoon concealed inside of it. The way I see it is, you don't just get any clown off the street to write for characters with the complexity and emotional depth that these ones have. You bring out the big guns. This is a man who knows his way around a huge ass. A man who knows all too well the plight of the gamer. A man who won't hesitate to engage with some of your favorite brands, and will not flinch at a longform narrative about a pissed off guy searching the world for his spoon.
KC Green has already done some good work with the SBaHJ franchise, you may remember. For the sake of authenticity I did a lot of coloring work over his pencils and put some serious attention on generally screwing everything up. Don't worry, we had some very important standards of quality that I took great care to ensure we catastrophically failed to meet. KC does a lot of other great stuff too. Did you know he did the dog who says this is fine even though the room is on fire? It's crazy how much people love that damn dog. Not everyone knows he did it though, and people should applaud him more for his stuff. Same with dril. Let's hear it for these boys and their priceless contributions to our society. I hope you like this book!
Hey check it out. Every week we'll be revealing some new troll characters from Hiveswap until Act 2 is out. Follow the Troll Call here, and meet the first two here. Expect a few more surprises like this to drop in coming weeks.
Hiveswap has been released. You should go play it!
Huge thanks to the entire What Pumpkin Games team for all their hard work on this project. Everyone involved has much to be proud of. Personally, I think the game is VERY GOOD! Really, better than I imagined it would be when scribbling notes for it years ago. Credit is owed to the fans for their patience while the necessary time was taken to build a studio capable of making a game like this. And above all, credit is owed to the great team that brought it to life. If you happen to spot any contributors out in the wild, on social media or such, I hope you will extend your appreciation for what they have accomplished.
What Pumpkin and Homestuck are partnering with Viz Media to work on a lot of cool stuff together in the future. This will include projects based on both the Homestuck and Hiveswap worlds. The possibilities are wide open, but here are a couple examples of things we know we're going to work on already...
Viz will begin releasing the Homestuck books again, starting next year. These will be nice new hardcover editions, and the plan is to just keep turning out volumes until the entire story is in print. Each volume will be full of my Secret Notes just like the previous ones were. Viz will also be involved in the release of the mysterious epilogue project I alluded to a while ago. Details on format, release date, etc, will remain undisclosed until further notice, but you can expect more information about that to surface next year too. I wanted to do something a little unusual for it, something existing outside the confines of the web story. Working with Viz struck me as good opportunity for this.
Aside from that, anything can happen. Take a look at the sorts of things Viz has already published or produced. These are all examples of things on the table for future consideration for either Homestuck or Hiveswap. I've got plenty of ideas, and so do they. Maybe you do too??